Man, there's no beating the experience trying to explain to your pastor that you're depressed because you have your period. I know I'm depressed because of that because I just have absolutely no reason to be depressed at all. I just AM, and this usually is a sign that I'm having my monthly hormonal fluctuations.

I also feel like clobbering someone. Usually they're males. That's also another sign.
Then there's this "I don't feel like socialising with ANYONE" streak. I just want to go home and curl up on my couch, stuff my face with ice-cream and do nothing but stare at the TV. And maybe sleep at 10pm. :P I always feel vaguely psychotic when I have my monthly mood swings. It's like there's another person in me which I can't control, and I better hide away for a while.
I KNOW I will regret missing the Maundy Thursday gathering at my church because I had such a blast last year. But this year … aiyah, I really don't feel like socialising or going there.

It was hard to tell my pastor I'm not coming because the people-pleasing side of me wants to say yes so that he'll feel better that I'm coming. But I have decided not to say "yes" when I mean "No" anymore.

I hate this conflict I have between doing what I think is socially right and what I want to do for myself. It's a fight that I find really hard to be balanced about.

And about the whole not going to church thing … ai! I'm tired of my inconsistency. I can't seem to make myself go. Maybe I should just sit back and relax and be a once and twice a year to church kind of Christian. Sigh. don't know what to dolah…
 What I will do is leave work at 5pm today, drive to IKEA, buy some dog food for me dog, get some food for myself – most probably tonnes of sinful ice-cream – and then drive home.

I feel better already.